


A Pale Line of Blue Ink

by actuallynewzealand



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Trans Will Solace, autistic will solace, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25005154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallynewzealand/pseuds/actuallynewzealand
Summary: Nico is having a very bad day. Will comes to help. Things get worse. Things get better. Author is horrible at summarizing.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 3
Kudos: 111





	A Pale Line of Blue Ink

**Author's Note:**

> Will is trans and autistic, some stimming at the end, both characters have depression, Nico is mostly nonverbal for about half of the read. There is some cursing. Trigger warnings: past self harm references (not graphic), other self harm (not cutting), nightmares, panic attack, some vomit. Please proceed with caution if sensitive subjects are mentioned. Be safe!

The door creaked open. A small beam of light cast itself on the floor. Will heard a sniff, a shuddering breath, and silence. He closed the door and flicked on a light.

“Nico?”

“...mm...” 

“How’re you doing, Nico?”

Nico sniffed again.

“Aw…”

Will made his way over to the far end of the cabin. The rest of the lights were off, the window open. Nico sat on the bed. The covers were messed up around him. Will could see teartracks on Nico’s face, shining silver in the moonlight. 

“What’s wrong?”

Nico breathed out shakily.

“Can’t talk right now? You look tired.”

“...pff.”

“Do you want some paper?”

Nico nodded weakly. Will got up and retrieved a notepad and pen from a side table. He handed the objects to Nico, who took them with shaking hands. He pulled off the cap of the pen and placed the tip to the paper, trembling, then dropped it.

“It’s okay, Neeks. It’s late. Let’s go to bed. Do you want me to help you?”

“...mmmf.”

“Okay. I think it’s good that you’re able to make some sounds right now. C’mere.”

Gently, Will helped Nico change into a pair of pajamas and use the bathroom. He led Nico back to the bed and pulled back the covers. Nico immediately curled into a ball, his back to Will. Will understood what Nico meant- every time Will slept over, he slept on another bed across from Nico.

“There is no way, not with you like this.”

Nico curled inwards.

“Do you want a hug?”

Nico scrunched himself up more.

”Okay. I love you, Neeks.”

Gently, Will gently placed his hand on Nico’s shoulder. Nico tensed, then relaxed. Nico shuddered, and Will knew he was afraid to fall asleep. He reached his hand up and stroked Nico’s hair. After only a few minutes, they were both asleep.

Will woke up to whimpering and heavy breathing. Confused at first, he realized quickly that it was Nico, and he needed help.

Nico was still in the same position, shaking and panting. Will took his shoulder and tried to shake him awake. 

“Nico. Nico, buddy, I’m right here, come on, wake up, it’s only a dream-”

Nico thrashed around, tangling himself in the bedcovers, a scream rising in his throat. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, man, I’m right here.”

Nico’s movement slowed, his breathing ragged. He flew upwards, panting, and opened his eyes.

“Nico?”

He stared into nothingness, his eyes panicked. 

“Hey. I’m right here, alright, bud? I’m right here.”

Nico shuddered and gagged.

“Nico, let’s go over to the bathroom, okay?”

Nico blinked and turned his head in Will’s direction ever so slightly.

“Come on, I’ll help you.” Will helped Nico out of the bed. Nico seemed barely aware of his surroundings. He gagged again. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Dazed and clinging to Will for support, Nico tripped his way into the bathroom, where he immediately collapsed into Will’s arms from the effort. 

“Do you want to shower? You’re covered in sweat,” Will said as he lowered Nico onto the floor.

Nico raised his head, not meeting Will’s eyes, then lurched forward and vomited into the bathtub. Will got down on his knees and rubbed Nico’s hair, whispering comforts he wasn’t sure Nico could hear. Nico shuddered and tipped sideways towards Will. Nico exhaled, a strangled sort of sigh. He blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay. Come on, let's go back to bed. You’re exhausted.” Will helped Nico wipe his mouth and briefly turned on the water to clean the tub. He very nearly carried Nico back to the bed and there gently rubbed Nico’s head. Nico’s eyelids flickered, then closed, and he sunk back into sleep. Will felt his own eyes grow heavy and he joined Nico in dreams. 

Only a few hours later Nico woke up, rays of sunrise streaming into his eyes. He’d ripped off the blackout curtains in an blind rage the day before. He felt angry, and wasn’t sure why. He knew he had nothing to be angry about, but at the same time, everything was going wrong. He got up carefully, as not to wake Will, and walked to the bathroom to get ready. 

In the bathroom, he was brushing his teeth, when a blast of sadness hit him like a brick wall.

I’m worthless.

He spit his toothpaste into the sink and paced. Worthless worthless worthless worthless. The toothbrush was still in his hand. He threw it on the ground.

Piece of shit.

You’re not supposed to be angry- 

Damn-

I wanna cut.

The last time he’d cut had been nearly two months ago. Before that, it had been over five months, but he’d relapsed during a panic attack and it got bad quickly. He’s been able to hold himself back, but he’s not sure now. 

If I cut, Will will be so mad. He won’t want to be here anymore. Oh gods, I’m going to ruin my life. I really need to do this though fuck fuck fuck please get out of my head I AM YOUR HEAD Will please help me HE HATES YOU no he doesn’t HE HATES YOU shut up please AGGGH agggh FUCK-

Nico felt dizzy and sick. He stumbled, desperately trying, needing to get to Will, but he was miles away and-

Nico slammed his head against a wall and dropped to the floor. 

Will woke with a start.

“Nico?”

Will heard sobbing and muffled screaming.

“Nico-” Will scrambled off the bed and saw Nico on the ground, screaming and crying, pulling his hair, his shirt balled up in his mouth.

Oh gods please don’t let this be bad.

“Nico. Nico, buddy I’m right here, I’m right here.”

Nico swung his arm at Will, who moved out of the way and sat down to rub Nico’s back. Nico only continued to scream into his shirt, but his struggling ceased and he grabbed Will in a hug. He was safe, he felt safe.

“It’s okay, I got you, I got you.” Will stroked Nico’s hair as Nico was racked with sobs. “It’s alright, man, I’m right here. I got you.”

“W- Will…” Nico croaked out, “Will- I-”

“It’s okay, bud. I love you, you know that. I’m always here for you, I always will be.”

“I- sniff- I- I wanna cut- please- please help me.”

“Oh, buddy, no, it’s okay.” Will rocked gently as Nico shook in his arms. “It’s okay. We’re gonna get through this. We’re gonna get through this together.”

“I- I wanna- I need-”

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Can I trust you to stay right here and not get up for like ten seconds?”

“I- sniff- yes.”

“Alright. I’m just going right over here, I’m right here. Okay… I’m coming back. How are you feeling?”

“I- sniff- numb and- tired. Sniff- worthless.”

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay.” Will wrapped Nico in another hug and led him to the bed they’d been in. “Come on, sit down.”

“I- I need- please-”

“I know, I know. But you know I love you too much to let you do that to yourself. Here- take this.”

“A- a marker?”

“Yeah. I- this might sound crazy to you but, um, wherever you want to cut, just draw.”

“Does- does that work?”

Will lowered his eyes. “Um. It works for me.”

Nico looked up. “What?” 

“N- nothing.”

“I- okay. I’ll try it.”

“Okay. I’m not gonna watch you. Will you stay here? You won’t leave?”

“Yeah. Um, I’m gonna do it now.”

“Y-yeah.” Will turned around on the bed, averting his eyes. He didn’t want Nico to see him shaking. This wasn’t about him; this was about Nico. He took a breath to steady himself. 

Nico uncapped the marker and touched the tip to the center of his wrist. He pulled it over his arm and watched a pale line of blue ink follow. He exhaled in relief. It worked- it had the same feeling, but without the pain. He slashed at his arm again with the marker, again, again, again. He drew some swirls and a triangle on the back of his hand. The ink was cool and soothing. He recapped the marker.

“I’m done,” he said. “I- I’m okay.”

Will exhaled slowly, shakily. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath. “Okay. Do you want to wash it off, or-”

“It’s okay. I think- I think I’ll wash it off later.”

“Alright.”

“You can turn around, if you want.”

“Um- yeah.” Will scooted over on the bed to make room for Nico, who sat next to him and pressed the marker into Will’s palm. Will flipped the cap back and forth and chewed on his shirt collar, trying to level his breathing.

“Uh- Will? Can I, um, can I ask you something?”

“You just did, Moonlight.”

“Ha ha. You know what I meant.”

“Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.”

“Um. What did you mean by ‘it helps you, too?’”

Will slumped over. “I... I wanna do that too sometimes.”

“... cut?”

Will nodded weakly and held out his arms for a hug. Nico obliged.

“I- I didn’t know that. Why… why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry. Really. It sucks major ass.”

“It does.”

“Is it okay if I ask why?”

“Dysphoria, mainly. Having a lot of injured campers and an understaffed infirmary. Losing a patient. Sensory overload. Just shitty days, mostly, you know.”

“Yeah. That makes sense. Have you, um, ever actually done anything?”

“No. I’ve been able to hold myself back. It gets better, you know. But everyone has bad days.”

“Yeah. Wait, do you want to, um, do that right now?”

Will paused. “No. I’m just nervous. You scared me a little bit.”

“I scared me too. I... I don't really know what happened. But I’m okay now, I guess.” Nico’s tone changed. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. Shit, Will, did you fall asleep in your binder?”

“No, I changed before I got here.”

“That’s good. Now tell me what’s wrong, Sunshine, I want to help you. You’re shaking.”

“No I’m not.”

“You are the single worst liar I’ve ever met. You know I can see you, right?”

“Well... I’ll admit you scared me more than a little bit.” He grabbed a fistful of bedsheets, hesitating. Nico looked at him expectantly. “And I guess I’ve been suppressing a stim.”

Nico sighed. “William, you idiot, you know that’s bad for you. How long?”

“Maybe a few days?”

“William Solace.”

Will blushed. “I’ve been busy.”

“Idiot. What do you need, I’ll get it for you.”

“Do you know where my blanket is?”

“You’re sitting on it.”

“Oh.” Will scooted backwards and wrapped himself in the weighted blanket, covering his head to block out light and sounds. He rocked back and forth and hummed softly, flapping his hands and closing his eyes as a smile drifted across his face. Nico could hear in Will’s tone that Will was happy, it made him happy too. Nico laid down on his back, feeling the mattress move under him. He was happy. Will was happy. They were happy. And that was all Nico needed.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry if the style’s a bit weird. Can’t figure out how to italicize. Hopefully other works to come soon. Have a great day! -L


End file.
